INFOGRAPHIC: Funeral Traditions of Hawaii

Funeral Traditions of Hawaii
Source: Valley of the Temples Memorial Park

TRADITION: New Year's Eve Ball Drop...why?

Did you know the U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington, D.C. drops its own time ball every day at noon?
 

 Pardon the lateness on this one.

According to the US Naval Oceanography portal, the USNO time ball was one of the first systems to enable the Observatory to support remote users. The ball was dropped at the astronomically determined instant of Mean Solar Noon in Washington.  Back in the day, this enabled the navigators of ships anchored in the Potomac River to rate their chronometers...or in other words, synchronize their timepieces.

The USNO is one of the oldest scientific agencies in the country. Its primary mission was to care for the U.S. Navy's chronometers, charts and other navigational equipment, and was first established as the Depot of Charts and Instruments back in 1830.

Photo from Astronomy Picture of the Day.  Thanks to Margot Adler's NPR story for the inspiration.

SYMBOLS & TRADITION: L.A. Roadside Memorials

"Homemade monuments to those we’ve lost are all over town, built by friends and loved ones as reminders to be careful—and as a way of saying good-bye."

-- from Los Angeles Magazine

For more detailed information about this artistic roadside memorial, and the motorcyclist whose death unfortunately affirmed the dangerousness of Mulholland Drive, see Shrines: The Giving Tree in LA Mag.

TRADITION: Wine Box - Handmade for Ceremony with Family Participation

WINE BOX WEDDING TRADITION. (clockwise from top left:
wine with wedding year vintage; wine box handmade by couple; copy of wedding vows: photo;
wedding invitation [under photo]; nails and hammer.)

Recently, a couple i wed chose to include a made-by-hand wine box (or is it winebox ?) in their wedding ceremony.  Their box included a bottle of wine from 2012, the year of their marriage; a copy of marriage vows; a  picture they took together, and their wedding invitation. These items served as symbols and as a reminder of their love for one another, on this day, and leading up to it. 

The wine box was built of wood and the couple constructed and stained the wine box themselves.  Once the box was filled during the ceremony, the couple invited their parents to come forward and help them hammer the nails to seal the box shut.  The box is like a wedding time capsule, because it will not be opened until their tenth anniversary.

Other alternatives or variations of winebox contents to consider: wine from the year you first met or began dating; ticket stub from concert or event at which you first met; the first photo you took together; a souvenir or symbol from an important shared occasion (e.g. a party favour from New Year's Eve; fortune of fortune cookie from your first date; etc.)...  Or, in line with the time capsule concept: if you are having a small wedding (or not!?), ask your guests to bring an item that represents your friendship or relationship to contribute to the box.  The possibilities are many, and limited only by what you consider appropriate!

For more information, please contact A Non-Denominational Ceremony at www.ceremonyceremony.com .

CEREMONY: Bestowing the "Gypsy Robe" on Broadway

The tradition honours a cast member, blesses a production and creates an artifact, simultaneously!

INTERESTING: Post Secret - Doubts About Marrying Outside of Asian Culture



easier.jpg from Postsecret.com
week of 13 Feb. 2011



What is PostSecret?  It is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.  

The postcard to the right says:

"I'm scared that if I marry a white man, he won't understand the traditions, customs and way of life of my culture.  Marrying an Asian man would be so much easier."


Each Sunday, a new batch of SUNDAY SECRETS are posted on the website.  This week's postcards, posted in honour of Valentine's Day (which was the following Monday), were centered around the basic theme of love and everything that goes with it.

If you need an inclusive, non-judgmental, experienced, trained and qualified officiator, officiant, minister, reverend, Celebrant etc. for your wedding or other ceremony, please contact A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY.   Serving Los Angeles, Orange County and most of Southern California including San Gabriel Valley, Hacienda Heights, Roland Heights, Montebello, Rosemead, San Marino, Fullerton, Brea, Westminster, Garden Grove, Fountain Valley, Palm Springs, Palm Desert, Rancho Mirage, Rancho Palos Verdes, Monterey Park, City of Industry, Walnut, Azusa and beyond.

INTERESTING: Post Secret Takes on Marriage, Everyday Ritual and Coping

More from POST SECRET's weekly confessions.

Some people get married for different reasons than others...

To you, is marriage serious?  Sacred?  Impossible?  Overrated?  Safe?  Better than anything you could imagine?  How do YOU view marriage? 






For some, deleting old contacts or even deleting season passes for shows on one's TiVO / dvr is a transitional ritual...

Do YOU do anything to indicate or signify a change in your life, whether it is when a person is no longer with you, or you move to a new home, or you begin a new job, or ???





Some people deal with crisis and/or loss in whatever way they can.  They may alter themselves simply to make a hospital visit, or to enter a social situation.  What are the advantages, and the dangers, of coping?  How can we find more effective, or at least healthier, ways to deal with difficulty, negativity, or discomfourt?

TRADITION: College Football's Rose Bowl and Prime Rib = the Beef Bowl?!

American society has so few ties to custom and ritual in this day and age.  That's why it's so interesting to see how sports and athleticism is the one area where tradition is not only expected, but it is also honoured and perpetuated.

An article from the Los Angeles Times wrote about the Beef Bowl, a five decades-long tradition of serving prime rib dinners in a fine dining setting to players of both teams competing in the Rose Bowl (on separate days, of course!). The two teams are invited in to a Los Angeles establishment to communally feast on a prime rib dinner with Yorkshire pudding, potatoes, salad etc.  Inevitably, the event turns into a eating competition each year.  (Here's a tip for you wagerers: supposedly, the team with the most amount of meat consumed is statistically significantly shown to become the winner of the Rose Bowl game...)

Photo by Todd Wawrychuk of ESPN.com

[PLEASE NOTE:  For the record, i have been a vegetarian for over 20 years, and do not personally approve of such overt displays of excess when it comes to something like food and hunger...but i DO enjoy tradition and so i wanted to share this story with you!]

INTERESTING: Another Way to Reduce, Reuse, Recycle? [via Post Secret]

Here's another appropriate POST SECRET submission from the week of 11/21/2010 (please continue reading after the image):

Later, someone in the Post Secret community shared the following:

-----Email-----
I had the very same calendar collecting dust in the corner.  It's now been folded into hundreds of paper cranes that were hung from the ceiling at my wedding.

POST SECRET is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

WEDDING: Pomona, CA Officiant at Coco Palm Restaurant

Coco Palms Restaurant: Pomona, CA Officiant ,
originally uploaded by dj venus.

Congratulations, Mike and Tricia!  This wonderful couple's ceremony included a quote from Coach Mike Tomlin of the Pittsburgh Steelers, since they are both avid sports and football fans:

"Change is part of this business, it's going to happen. Sometimes it's going to be more unpleasant than others, but it's the nature of what we do."

Tricia and Mike's families are of Mexican and Samoan background.  Please note the leis above, a wedding tradition from the Samoan culture.  Best of all, the GROOM began crying from the moment his lovely bride joined him for the ceremony!

Their wedding took place on the smaller restaurant terrace outside the 'Bolero Room' (side note: there were literally three other events taking place on this day).  Steffany and Carson, the husband and wife photographer team at NOTHING BUT MIRACLES, provided photography services [Please note, photo above is not their work; i will post as soon as they are made available].  Both were very kind and approachable, and you could sense the positive dynamic between these two artists who also happened to be married!

RITUAL: Handfasting at Two Harbors on Catalina Island

Handfasting at Two Harbors on Catalina Island, originally uploaded by dj venus.

Did you know handfasting was the origin of the term 'tie the knot'?

This private ceremony, sometimes referred to as an elopement, involved just the couple, and took place on a weekday. They graciously brought me to Two Harbors with them (and their kitten!?!), where we had a beautiful wedding on the rocky coast of the beach.  It was SO lovely to see the happy couple congratulated by the locals and the tourists, as they strolled through town....

For more information, please contact A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY for your small, destination, home, backyard, private or beach wedding. Available for your civil, secular, not religious, spiritual, alternative, non-traditional, simple, affordable and/or last-minute ceremony!

Temecula Wedding Officiant at Ponte Winery in Temecula, CA

Congratulations, Mar. and Bri.!  These two attorneys from the East Coast were wed in front of Ponte Winery's vineyard in Temecula.

Photo by Joel Austell.

As they were planning to write the ceremony text themselves, the couple needed an officiant who was willing to read just a few passages, since most of the ceremony was to be performed by friends, loved ones and the couple themselves.  As more of a host or master of ceremonies (as well as a professional qualified to solemnise the marriage), my job was to introduce the various sections of the ceremony, as we transitioned from speaker to speaker. 

You may have found this wedding unusual, but the ceremony not only reflected the couple, and the significant people in their lives, but it accomplished what ceremony, tradition and ritual were originally designed to do.  It actively involved those who were undergoing the transition and experiencing this new passage in their lives.  And, friends and family were given an opportunity to be included in the ceremony as participants, rather than merely as spectators!

ALTERNATIVES: To Exchange Rings, or NOT to Exchange Rings?

Tattooed 'rings' may be the best option for you, especially if you want to avoid the cost, convention, maintenance and/or discomfourt of wearing a wedding ring.

On left: from TATTOOED BRIDE blog, via Allebach Photography
On right: from MANOLO BRIDES via Leigh Miller Photography

Many people are led to believe (incorrectly, at least in California) that one must exchange rings as part of the marriage ceremony.  Not everyone likes to wear jewelry, even if it is your wedding ring. Do you work around electricity?  A metal ring may not be a good idea.  And what is a more permanent symbol of your love, than a tattoo?  You can't lose it, since you won't need to take it off to paint your house.  You also won't be able to take it off or throw it after an argument with your other half...  ;-|  

The act of tattooing rings to indicate betrothal or marriage is a fairly modern trend, but has gained popularity in recent times, especially in the UK and Europe. Ancient Egyptians would tattoo wrists and fingers to ward off illness and bad luck. Slaves' hands were sometimes tattooed to indicate ownership. Ancient Egyptian women have been found with tattoos on their bodies to promote fertility (from Ancient Egypt: Personal Ornaments website).

At a cost of about $100, tattooed wedding rings are an economical way to go, but may require some touch-up work down the line, especially as they fade and evolve with time.  The palm side of the hand is quite sensitive, pain-wise, and tattoos also tend to fade and blur faster on the palm side.

Check out these other tattoo wedding bands!

From WPIC website

 From TATTOOAHOLIC.com

If you seek a non-traditional wedding officiant, for your Los Angeles, Orange County, Inland Empire, Ojai, Catalina Island, Ventura, Big Bear or greater Southern California ceremony, please contact venus, certified Life-Cycle Celebrant® for more information.

WEDDING: Malibou Lake Mountain Club Officiant in Agoura Hills, CA

Malibou Lake Officiant in Agoura Hills, CA, originally uploaded by dj venus.

This ceremony actually had a maypole dance at the end!

At the start of the ceremony, there were TWO aisles for the wedding party and couple to walk down, both sides simultaneously.

"T and J chose to enter together at the same time to honour the joining of their families, and, to symbolise their choice to enter into marriage willingly as partners and as equals, without being skewed by gender or role."

This wedding was SO beautiful, i cried.  Photography (not pictured) was by a friend of the groom.  Many thanks to Meredith of MALIBOU LAKE MOUNTAIN CLUB and dj ____  for their service and expertise!

Please see these other maypole photos:

NEWS: The Burden (and Obligations!) of Paying for Weddings has Shifted!

The norms of 'tradition' are changing and the trends of the DIY or do-it-yourself ethic prevail in many modern celebrations and ceremonies.  This new tendency for the couple to call the shots is an indicator of another way a couple may continue to insist on their wedding ceremony (and reception), their way.

According to an article written by Abby Ellin in the New York Times on 2 April 2010:

"When it comes to paying for a wedding while remaining financially afloat, today’s rule is all hands on deck...

"The Association of Bridal Consultants, an organization of 4,000 wedding planners, offered evidence that the trend has accelerated since the beginning of this century.  David M. Wood III, its president, estimated that only about 10 percent of weddings are now wholly paid for by the bride’s parents, down from the 20 percent figure that the association reported from a 2003 survey.Mr. Wood also estimated that 33 percent of weddings are now financed by the bride and bridegroom alone, up from 27 percent in the earlier survey."

The above was taken from Ellin's article called The Burden of Paying for Wedding Bells Shifts from her Field Notes column.

If the kids are putting up most of the $ toward the wedding, parents may have to let go of their wishes, so a son or daughter may have the wedding of their own dreams.  Sorry, mom and dad...you can no longer say things such as "You have to do it our way, since we're paying for it..." !  

And what a relief that is.  :)

ELEMENTS: Acknowledge Family/Friends or Honour Deceased in Your Ceremony

i saw the following on POSTSECRET.COM this week:

Frank,
My father, who I was very close to, passed away when I was 21 very suddenly and unexpectedly. 2 years later I met the man of my dreams and could not imagine getting married without my dad there.

To this day, whenever anyone asks me who walked me down the aisle the true and honest answer is: "My dad did".

Maybe someone else out there will find this to be a small comfort during the sadness of not having their dad.

My father passed away when i was fourteen, so not only do i empathise with this writer, i understand how important and meaningful it is, to acknowledge loved ones. Those unable to attend a (wedding) ceremony may still be made present! And, this can be done without bringing the mood down, taking the focus away from the celebration, or implying an afterlife. Consider these suggestions:

• Use of a short verbal passage or introduction - to be read by the officiant or other participant.
• Creating a symbol of the honoured person - through jewelry [see above], flower, dove release, candle lighting, balloon, ringing of a bell, etc.
• Moment of silence - before proceeding with the main body of the ceremony, encourage a simple bowing of heads so believers may offer a prayer and non-believers can stop for a moment of reflection.

WEDDING: Two Officiant Interfaith Ceremony at Mission Inn in Riverside, CA

Congratulations, Drs. Robin and Matt!!

What a fantastic ceremony it was, blending the cultures and backgrounds of these two young scientists! Before the wedding, the couple and their witnesses signed the marriage contract (Ketubah). Under a chuppah [see above], Robin and Matt exchanged personal vows, as well as traditional wedding vows. To make sure the ceremony represented both their backgrounds, they incorporated several readings from the Bible, and the groom's uncle gave a Jewish prayer and blessing as the couple shared wine from a Kiddush cup.


Allison from the Mission Inn took care of all of our needs. Day-of coordination by Monika and Donna of YOUR DAY 2 REMEMBER. Chuppah provided by HAPPY CHUPPAH. Photography by DEE DEE DALLAS of D2 and DJ services by Von.

WEDDING: Outdoor Ceremony at the Marriott Hotel in Newport Beach, CA

CONGRATULATIONS: Jean and Mike!

With the Pacific Ocean in the distance, these two awesome people exchanged marriage vows on the lovely grounds of the Newport Beach Marriott, near Fashion Island. After their ring vows, they chose to honour their Japanese-American heritage with the San San Ku Do tradition.

Many thanks to Candice, Lana (Lan?) and Julie of the NEWPORT BEACH MARRIOTT. In their capable hands, things went off without a hitch!

WEDDING: Garden Ceremony at Earl Burns Miller Japanese Garden in Long Beach, CA

CONGRATULATIONS: Sarah and Charles!

i had the absolute honour and pleasure of meeting and working with this incredibly cool couple, whom i hope to stay in touch with in the future!

As a unity ritual, they used San San Ku Do, or sake ceremony, in a nod to Charles' Japanese background.  The entire wedding was a beautiful experience, with the ceremony taking place on the bridge in front of the (loud) rushing waterfall of the Earl Burns Miller Japanese Garden on the grounds of Cal State Long Beach.

Photography by CW Photo Designs (above).

INFO: To rehearse, or not to rehearse?

Traditionally speaking, rehearsals are a time to introduce families and friends, and spend time with those who are more intimately involved in a ceremony. From a practical standpoint, rehearsals allow you to work out logistics, anticipate problems and calm nerves.

WHAT - Definition of REHEARSAL - “The act of practicing in preparation for a public performance, or a detailed enumeration or repetition of actions.”(Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

At a minimum, the goals of a rehearsal are to:
1) Experience a no-pressure trial run of the ceremony. Test the sequence of events.
2) Foresee potential problems and address concerns.
3) Assess location and environment, such as the position of the sun or times of the tides; foot traffic and parking; need for signage, etc.
4) Prepare participants. Determine positions at beginning, during and at end of ceremony.

WHO - All participants of a ceremony are usually present at a rehearsal. This includes attendants, ushers, officiants and any additional parties such as children and other family members. Adjunct participants, such as musicians or photographers, may also be included.

WHY - Rehearsal goals include anticipating problems or concerns; practicing choreography; determining logistics; familiarizing participants with the unfamiliar; and calming nerves. There are many more traditional and pragmatic reasons for a rehearsal, as it is an opportunity to:

• Get to know the ceremony, participants and venue.
• Establish cues and pace. Who does what, when? How far apart will people walk and stand?
• Evaluate visibility. Use this time to work out placement of objects, equipment, props and people.
• Prepare children, people with special needs, animals, etc.
• Soundcheck and evaluate acoustics. Is amplification or a microphone required? Does a waterfall need to be turned off?
• Ask questions!

WHERE - Rehearsals are ideally held at the location or venue of the actual event. However, the location can be recreated or approximated almost anyplace convenient to the participants.

WHEN - Rehearsals are scheduled near the event date and time, to best recreate or approximate conditions of the actual event.

HOW - Officiants, hosts or masters of ceremony usually lead rehearsals. Many event planners and coordinators are available for rehearsals, but sometimes require an additional fee. Assertive, trusted and/or organized family members may also run rehearsals.

ADDITIONAL LIMITATIONS & CONSIDERATIONS:
Feasibility – Are you planning your ceremony from abroad? If you are traveling specifically for the ceremony, you may not have the time or resources for a rehearsal. Are you budget-conscious? Some locations and professionals may charge extra for a rehearsal.
Availability of participants – Work, travel and other obligations may dictate who is able to attend the rehearsal.
Availability of venue – Some locations have a limited schedule of days/times set aside for rehearsals.

IF YOU DECIDE TO NOT HAVE A REHEARSAL:
Ceremonies with a small number of participants (especially those without children or elderly) do not always require a rehearsal. Simple, straightforward ceremonies (those without additional elements such as rituals or readings) also may not need to rehearsed. However, be sure to at least visit the location of the ceremony prior to the event, and assess the situation to consider the variables outlined above!