EXPLAINER: What Do I Need to Get Married in California and How Do I Do It?

In California two people need a minimum of THREE things* to be married in a legally binding ceremony.

1) VOWS
2) MARRIAGE LICENSE
3) OFFICIANT

That's IT! This means you don't need rings or dowries or other gifts, nor do you need groomsmen, bridesmaids or cake. In fact, you don't even need to kiss!

The official site for California legislative information states that California Law consists of 29 codes, covering various subject areas, the State Constitution and Statutes. The subject area that marriage law falls under is known as the California Family Code.

Inclusive, modern LGBT wedding officiant. (Photo ©LilyRo)

California Family Code states "Marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil contract...to which the consent of the parties capable of making that contract is necessary. Consent alone does not constitute marriage. Consent must be followed by the issuance of a license and solemnization..." (see California Family Code, Section 300. (a) ).

In other words -

What must you do or say at your wedding?
1) VOWS: There must be a couple, two individuals over the age of eighteen. The parties being married need to declare out loud that they take the other person as their husband or wife.

1) Vows.

What must you have or get to be married?
2) MARRIAGE LICENSE: You need to obtain a document that permits you to marry, also known as a marriage license. Most marriage licenses are obtained by the couple in person from a county clerk-recorder office. Some other qualified people and notaries can also issue marriage licenses.

*Please note, there are two different kinds of marriage licenses in California: PUBLIC and CONFIDENTIAL. Please see my previous post to learn the difference between a public and confidential marriage license in California. If you choose to get the public marriage license, you are required to have one, no more than two, witnesses over the age of 18. So, depending on the type of your marriage license, you may need 3 1/2 things to be married in California...

2) Marriage license.

Who is allowed to marry you?
3) OFFICIANT: In short, clergy people, judges, public government representatives, and deputized individuals are allowed to perform a legal marriage ceremony.

3) Qualified officiant. (Photo ©Tara Sielig)

 And, in case you don't believe it's that simple, these references are straight out of the CA Family Code website:

1) VOWS - "No particular form for the ceremony of marriage is required for solemnization of the marriage, but the parties shall declare, in the physical presence of the person solemnizing the marriage and necessary witnesses, that they take each other as husband and wife." (Section 420. (a) )

2) MARRIAGE LICENSE - "Before entering a marriage, or declaring a marriage... the parties shall first obtain a marriage license from a county clerk." (Section 350. (a) )

3) OFFICIANT - "Although marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil, and not a religious, contract, a marriage may be solemnized by any of the following who is 18 years of age or older: A priest, minister, rabbi, or authorized person of any religious denomination." (Section 400 (a) )

It goes on to state that judges, justices, magistrates; retired judges, justices and magistrates; and " A legislator or constitutional officer of this state or a Member of Congress who represents a district within this state, while that person holds office" are also qualified to solemnize marriages.

SO...if you need help with your marriage vows, assistance getting a marriage license,  or want a qualified, trained, experienced person to officiate your ceremony, please contact A Non-Denominational Ceremony!  Thank you!!!

TRADITION: Wine Box - Handmade for Ceremony with Family Participation

WINE BOX WEDDING TRADITION. (clockwise from top left:
wine with wedding year vintage; wine box handmade by couple; copy of wedding vows: photo;
wedding invitation [under photo]; nails and hammer.)

Recently, a couple i wed chose to include a made-by-hand wine box (or is it winebox ?) in their wedding ceremony.  Their box included a bottle of wine from 2012, the year of their marriage; a copy of marriage vows; a  picture they took together, and their wedding invitation. These items served as symbols and as a reminder of their love for one another, on this day, and leading up to it. 

The wine box was built of wood and the couple constructed and stained the wine box themselves.  Once the box was filled during the ceremony, the couple invited their parents to come forward and help them hammer the nails to seal the box shut.  The box is like a wedding time capsule, because it will not be opened until their tenth anniversary.

Other alternatives or variations of winebox contents to consider: wine from the year you first met or began dating; ticket stub from concert or event at which you first met; the first photo you took together; a souvenir or symbol from an important shared occasion (e.g. a party favour from New Year's Eve; fortune of fortune cookie from your first date; etc.)...  Or, in line with the time capsule concept: if you are having a small wedding (or not!?), ask your guests to bring an item that represents your friendship or relationship to contribute to the box.  The possibilities are many, and limited only by what you consider appropriate!

For more information, please contact A Non-Denominational Ceremony at www.ceremonyceremony.com .

VIDEO: Vow Renewal from Curb Your Enthusiasm

"I promise to love you for all eternity." That's all he had to say...!

Thanks to TotallyWeddings.com for the link!

Operation: Secret Wedding!

Congratulations to this Washington state couple, married in a wedding ceremony at a Southern California Amusement Park, also known as the "Most Joyful Area on This Planet".

Discreet Los Angeles Wedding Officiant, originally uploaded to FLICKR.

The day they chose in November 2010 happened to be their 15-year anniversary to the day!  The couple brought just two other people to witness the special morning event. Best of all, the bride and groom each wrote their own wedding vows and read them to each other off their own Blackberry.

Mission impossible?  NO, because you CAN have your wedding your way!  If you are seeking a discreet Orange County officiator or Los Angeles Wedding Officiant to make your non-traditional ceremony vision come true, even at Disneyland, underwater, or any place of your choosing, please contact www.ceremonyceremony.com .

DISCLAIMER: The above wedding was planned solely by the couple, and i complied as their officiant.  Please note, some private and public properties do not encourage, nor allow, impromptu weddings and other gatherings to occur on their premises.

WEDDING: Officiant in Newport Beach, CA

Congratulations, ToHa and Cha., married on 23 May 2010!  The couple rented a beachfront property on Seashore Drive for their special ceremony with the things that mean the most in life: good food, good friends and family.

Newport Beach Wedding Ceremony Officiant, originally uploaded by dj venus. (NOTE: i had already changed into regular clothes, post-ceremony, as it was very breezy on the beach!)

"Growing up in Orange County, To. recalls the many summers he spent here in Newport, and it will always be an especially significant place to him. Being at the beach reminds To. and Cha. of a time when things were easy and carefree. They both have fond memories of being at the beach as kids with their friends, long before the stress of jobs and responsibility set in.

"Cha. and To. say they feel closest when they are together as a family, with loved ones, spending time together without the distractions of every day life. They have brought you here to the beautiful California coast, because it is a place where they both can feel peaceful and relaxed. What better place than the beach to start a new life together?"

The couple made family vows to their daughter, as well as exchanging vows of marriage to each other. Along with their three-year old, they then poured sand from three containers to symbolise their forever unified family!

WEDDING: Two Officiant Interfaith Ceremony at Mission Inn in Riverside, CA

Congratulations, Drs. Robin and Matt!!

What a fantastic ceremony it was, blending the cultures and backgrounds of these two young scientists! Before the wedding, the couple and their witnesses signed the marriage contract (Ketubah). Under a chuppah [see above], Robin and Matt exchanged personal vows, as well as traditional wedding vows. To make sure the ceremony represented both their backgrounds, they incorporated several readings from the Bible, and the groom's uncle gave a Jewish prayer and blessing as the couple shared wine from a Kiddush cup.


Allison from the Mission Inn took care of all of our needs. Day-of coordination by Monika and Donna of YOUR DAY 2 REMEMBER. Chuppah provided by HAPPY CHUPPAH. Photography by DEE DEE DALLAS of D2 and DJ services by Von.

INFO: Outsourcing of Wedding Vows?? BAD Idea!!!

The Wall Street Journal published an article today about a new trend, which is quite troubling to experienced and certified Celebrant and officiant professionals. The article is from the fabulous Cranky Consumer, and talks about outsourcing one's wedding vows. In fact, it speaks of 'outsourcing' more than the vows part...it suggests leaving it up to a website or computer to spit out the entire ceremony!??

The whole notion of outsourcing is fascinating, but a bad idea, nonetheless. This phenomenon of outsourcing vows (and more) is a result of several factours:

• Clients (couples) who increasingly want to reflect themselves in every aspect of their (wedding) ceremonies - As they should! The participants in a ceremony deserve to be represented by the ceremony. A custom-written wedding (or funeral or baby naming/blessing or housewarming or etc.) is the only way to accomplish this. Otherwise, you may end up with a ceremony that sounds strangely similar to a MadLibs.


• Event planners who are want to be a one-stop shop and provide all services to their clients, whether they are qualified to or not - The fact is, a planner's expertise is in organizing the details and logistics of an event. A venue's expertise is in providing a location and service at the location. But, it is NOT NOT NOT within a planner's breadth of knowledge or experience to provide the text to the ceremony. A venue does not have the experience or familiarity with the specific legal and structural rules involved in officiating and solemnising a marriage. They are not the ones who will complete the requisite documentation, either.
• Choosing people who are not professional officiants to officiate weddings - Leave the writing to someone who has done it before. You can be sure all the love, loved ones, symbolism and/or history of your relationship is represented! Some people are hired for the day to perform a ceremony, but this is the one and only time they will ever perform this important task. There are lots of things to consider during a ceremony, since it is the focal point of the day, if only for a few minutes. Please also see above.
• 'Professional' officiants who use canned ceremony texts and templates in a 'one-size-fits-all-ceremonies-and-clients' manner. Like i said before: MadLibs is the worst-case scenario. Cookie-cutter and generic is the best outcome when you leave it up to a computerized method or a "wedding mill".

Try a uniquely modern, individualized approach to the tradition of ceremony! Contact A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY: ORANGE COUNTY & LOS ANGELES OFFICIANT today. And follow us on Twitter: www.twitter.com/celebrantvenus.

HAPPY VOW RENEWAL: Loren and Crystal!

The second ceremony of the weekend was in honour of Loren and Crystal's fifth wedding anniversary. The couple chose to renew their vows in a small ceremony that included two friends, on a beautiful hill overlooking Malibu, CA's ocean.

An excerpt from their vow renewal ceremony:

"The word “renew” has slightly different definitions that are all applicable to Loren and Crystal. One definition of renew is ‘to arrange for the extension of’. After five years, Crystal and Loren certainly desire to continue their marriage for five more, ten more, even fifty more years!

"Renew may be defined as ‘To regain the physical or mental vigor of; to restore, revive or replenish’. We seek to renew Crystal and Loren’s wedding vows because they have both worked very hard to overcome difficult challenges in their relationship, and as a result, they both have a better understanding of themselves and of each other.

"Renew can also mean ‘To take up again; to resume or reestablish’.

"Finally, another definition of renew is ‘To repeat so as to reaffirm’. "

(COPYRIGHT VKS 2008)

i feel vow renewals are so important, simply because of a couple's history and experiences together, upon which the vows are renewed.

For more information on vow renewal ceremonies, please contact me through my website, A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY.

WEDDINGS: "Perfect" Wedding Vows?

i feel vows don't need to be perfect.

Marriage/wedding vows DO need, however, to show your intentions, express your feelings, and convey your love toward your partner. That can be a lot of pressure.

There is an e-book on the market from "The Wedding Goddess" with all kinds of vow-writing ideas, but i suggest an easier way to write your own vows is:

1. Ask your officiant for some examples of vows
2. Research online - there are HUNDREDS of websites with vow examples...for free!
3. Borrow and adapt parts you like to make it your own

If you absolutely must write your vows from scratch, write them from your heart. Remember to use your own voice: if you are an informal, friendly person, DO NOT write something that is stern and stiff! You do not want to make your promise of love and trust sound like it's coming from a complete stranger. And, your partner will appreciate it, too.