INFOGRAPHIC: Funeral Traditions of Hawaii

Funeral Traditions of Hawaii
Source: Valley of the Temples Memorial Park

TRADITION: What is a wedding?

A wedding is anything you want it to be!

According to the characters from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation's Kurosawa-esque-ish episode, Rashomama -

GREG: (referring to the reason for eating at a diner)
...It's a tradition.

SARAH: Ah, tradition, like becoming property exchange between your father and your husband.

NICK: That's not what a wedding is.  It's a public declaration of love.

GREG: i'm with Vince Vaughn on this one.  Dozens of single horny women, with access to an open bar and coupling on the mind...

WAITRESS: Weddings are a Rorschach.  Everybody sees what they want to see.  My first five were good!

However you see your wedding, have your ceremony, your way.  For more information, please contact A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY - A modern, inclusive officiant for the ceremony tradition.

i am a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®, secular minister and civil officiator in Los Angeles and Orange County.  Creating and performing unique, custom-written, bespoke, one of a kind ceremonies and rituals for weddings, engagement, betrothal, commitment, vow renewal, animal or pet, rite of passage, funeral, memorial, celebration of life, baby naming or baby welcoming, new child or adoption, divorce, new job, business, downsizing, new home or any public, private or civic occasion to mark and honour a transition, anniversary, graduation, retirement, ending, change or other milestone.  ALSO: reverend, jp or justice of the peace.

READING: Dr. Seuss' Writing is Ideal for Wedding, Graduation etc.

A couple recently chose Oh! The Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss as a perfect non-traditional reading for their wedding, as they set off on their next adventure together.

From Amazon.com

Released in 1990, Oh! The Places You'll Go! was Dr. Seuss' final published book. Its U.S. Library of Congress entry states the book contains "Advice in rhyme for proceeding in life: weathering fear, loneliness and confusion; and being in charge of your actions."  Sounds like an ideal passage to include in any ceremony to mark a transition and inspire people of any age, as they get ready for a new journey or begin a new part of one's life.  The book's text is short and simple enough to read in its entirety.

Oh! The Places You'll Go! © by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!

You’ll be seeing great sights!

You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Image above from US Postal Service.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way!

(Copyright © 1990 by Theodor S. Geisel and Audrey S. Geisel.)

Quotations and written excerpts, when read aloud, express a feeling, personality, idea or sentiment when you can't quite come up with the words on your own.  The use of readings, literature, poetry, lyrics, or even words from a favourite movie, tv show, video game or comic book is an easy and eloquent way for adults and children alike to say something during a public celebration or private occasion.  

Celebrate a wedding, marriage, anniversary, vow renewal, new member of the family, baby's birth, adoption or new pet/animal.  Acknowledge graduation, the first day of college, a child's first day of school, reassignment, retirement, divorce or deployment.  Remember someone at a funeral, memorial or interment.  Contact A Non-Denominational Ceremony for more information.

ELEMENTS: Acknowledge Family/Friends or Honour Deceased in Your Ceremony

i saw the following on POSTSECRET.COM this week:

Frank,
My father, who I was very close to, passed away when I was 21 very suddenly and unexpectedly. 2 years later I met the man of my dreams and could not imagine getting married without my dad there.

To this day, whenever anyone asks me who walked me down the aisle the true and honest answer is: "My dad did".

Maybe someone else out there will find this to be a small comfort during the sadness of not having their dad.

My father passed away when i was fourteen, so not only do i empathise with this writer, i understand how important and meaningful it is, to acknowledge loved ones. Those unable to attend a (wedding) ceremony may still be made present! And, this can be done without bringing the mood down, taking the focus away from the celebration, or implying an afterlife. Consider these suggestions:

• Use of a short verbal passage or introduction - to be read by the officiant or other participant.
• Creating a symbol of the honoured person - through jewelry [see above], flower, dove release, candle lighting, balloon, ringing of a bell, etc.
• Moment of silence - before proceeding with the main body of the ceremony, encourage a simple bowing of heads so believers may offer a prayer and non-believers can stop for a moment of reflection.

MAP: Southern California Beach Ceremony Locations

The beach is an ideal location for a ceremony in Los Angeles, Ventura and Orange County. The map below illustrates a fraction of possibilities, after having created, written and performed many weddings and funerals/memorial services on Southern California beaches.


View Southern California Beach Wedding Sites in a larger map

For more information, or if you are looking for an officiant in Los Angeles, Orange County or greater Southern California, please see my website:A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY!

REVIEW: A book about Southern hospitality and funerals

Here is how Pat Williams of the Conroe Courier in Montgomery County, Texas begins her review of BEING DEAD IS NO EXCUSE: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral by Gayden Metcalf & Charlotte Hays:

"The first rule of funeral behavior for the women of the South, especially those near the Mississippi Delta, is that everyone must look good – both the dead and the survivors. The second rule deals with the amounts and types of food brought to the home following the service."

The remainder sounds like the book is an interesting read, filled with discussion, humour and history about the foods (and drinks!) and traditions of funeral-hosting in the South.

FUNERAL: Samoan Traditions

Samoan Ifoga

"In the Samoan tradition, an ifoga is a ritualized formal apology where those seeking forgiveness humble themselves before the person or family that was hurt. An ifoga can take days. Those seeking forgiveness may have to wait in the hot sun or through the rainy night and there is no guarantee that the apology will be accepted. There is no guarantee there won't be retaliation on the spot.

"If the matter is very serious, the high chief from the village of the accused would perform the ifoga.

"It is a very humbling gesture on the part of those asking for mercy. An envelope of money collected from among the community is offered as part of the ifoga, as well as an 'ie toga, a fine mat, considered the most significant and sincere part of the ifoga ritual."

Courtesy of the Honolulu Advertiser.

FUNERAL: Mourning Rituals of the Amish

Bryer, Kathleen. “The Amish Way of Death: a Study of Family Support Systems.” American Psychologist (March 1979): 255-261.

Bryer examines how the Amish cope with death, their funeral customs and mourning rituals (which are basically the same as those of late nineteenth and early twentieth century Americans), personal experiences with death, and the Amish family and group structure. She uses the Lancaster community as her setting. She demonstrates that the Amish, with their strong religious convictions, belief in an eternal, heavenly afterlife, and the closeness and presence of family and community during old age, times of sickness, and death, aid the Amish in preparation for and coping with death. The Amish, somewhat ahead of the rest of us, have for over 300 years, used mutual help groups and grievance support systems for survivors. The article is particularly insightful for one wanting information on Amish funeral customs and for alternative ways of coping with the death of a loved one.

Courtesy of "All I need to know about the Amish: Sociological, cultural, and religious studies"