EXPLAINER: What Do I Need to Get Married in California and How Do I Do It?

In California two people need a minimum of THREE things* to be married in a legally binding ceremony.

1) VOWS
2) MARRIAGE LICENSE
3) OFFICIANT

That's IT! This means you don't need rings or dowries or other gifts, nor do you need groomsmen, bridesmaids or cake. In fact, you don't even need to kiss!

The official site for California legislative information states that California Law consists of 29 codes, covering various subject areas, the State Constitution and Statutes. The subject area that marriage law falls under is known as the California Family Code.

Inclusive, modern LGBT wedding officiant. (Photo ©LilyRo)

California Family Code states "Marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil contract...to which the consent of the parties capable of making that contract is necessary. Consent alone does not constitute marriage. Consent must be followed by the issuance of a license and solemnization..." (see California Family Code, Section 300. (a) ).

In other words -

What must you do or say at your wedding?
1) VOWS: There must be a couple, two individuals over the age of eighteen. The parties being married need to declare out loud that they take the other person as their husband or wife.

1) Vows.

What must you have or get to be married?
2) MARRIAGE LICENSE: You need to obtain a document that permits you to marry, also known as a marriage license. Most marriage licenses are obtained by the couple in person from a county clerk-recorder office. Some other qualified people and notaries can also issue marriage licenses.

*Please note, there are two different kinds of marriage licenses in California: PUBLIC and CONFIDENTIAL. Please see my previous post to learn the difference between a public and confidential marriage license in California. If you choose to get the public marriage license, you are required to have one, no more than two, witnesses over the age of 18. So, depending on the type of your marriage license, you may need 3 1/2 things to be married in California...

2) Marriage license.

Who is allowed to marry you?
3) OFFICIANT: In short, clergy people, judges, public government representatives, and deputized individuals are allowed to perform a legal marriage ceremony.

3) Qualified officiant. (Photo ©Tara Sielig)

 And, in case you don't believe it's that simple, these references are straight out of the CA Family Code website:

1) VOWS - "No particular form for the ceremony of marriage is required for solemnization of the marriage, but the parties shall declare, in the physical presence of the person solemnizing the marriage and necessary witnesses, that they take each other as husband and wife." (Section 420. (a) )

2) MARRIAGE LICENSE - "Before entering a marriage, or declaring a marriage... the parties shall first obtain a marriage license from a county clerk." (Section 350. (a) )

3) OFFICIANT - "Although marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil, and not a religious, contract, a marriage may be solemnized by any of the following who is 18 years of age or older: A priest, minister, rabbi, or authorized person of any religious denomination." (Section 400 (a) )

It goes on to state that judges, justices, magistrates; retired judges, justices and magistrates; and " A legislator or constitutional officer of this state or a Member of Congress who represents a district within this state, while that person holds office" are also qualified to solemnize marriages.

SO...if you need help with your marriage vows, assistance getting a marriage license,  or want a qualified, trained, experienced person to officiate your ceremony, please contact A Non-Denominational Ceremony!  Thank you!!!

LGBT: HRC Wedding Registry Offers Gifts with Equality

Support the work of HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN while celebrating your marriage! You've seen charity wedding registries, honeymoon registries, gift card registries...why not sign up for an equal rights wedding registry?

"Each couple gets their own page with their personal story and photo. Loved ones can donate to HRC in their honor and help us move toward the day when all people can marry, no matter who they love."

For more information, go to HRC's wedding registry page.

NEWS: National Marriage Equality Day is 7 August 2012

DISCLAIMER: Please note, venus kitagawa-stojsic, officiant and Life-Cycle Celebrant® of A Non-Denominational Ceremony,  fully endorses, supports, believes in, officiates ceremonies for and advocates LGBT causes and marriage equality but is not listed on the above website because its vendors must pay to advertise.

READING: Not Poetry, Not Literature, But a Unique, Objective Definition of Marriage

One of the most original and most special readings i have heard in a ceremony is something which was originally written and stated as part of a 2003 decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Court, holding that the Massachusetts Constitution prohibits denying same-sex couples access to the protections, benefits, and obligations of civil marriage.

Ceramic Doves from DJVenus on Flickr

The following definition of marriage was a fantastic thing to include in the ceremony text, and provides something different for those who think poetry is too corny or don't want to use the same old wedding ceremony readings:

"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Without question, civil marriage enhances the welfare of the community. It is a social institution of the highest importance. Civil  marriage anchors an ordered society by encouraging stable relationships over transient  ones. Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects.

Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition. Tangible as well as intangible benefits flow from marriage. The benefits accessible only by way of a marriage license are enormous, touching nearly every aspect of life and death.

It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a civil right."

- by Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall of the Massachusetts Supreme Court, from Goodridge v. Massachusetts Dept. of Public Health, 440 Mass. 309.

CELEBRATE: Honouring ALL Those Who Married on 29 April 2011...

...never mind 'the royal wedding'!

Flickr featured a blog entry of gorgeous images from some of the many others married on 29 April 2011:  Congratulations to Syahirah and Faizal, Suzie and Tamri, Walter and Tamra...


the wedding in Hirosaki park, originally uploaded by jsflickr2010.

Congratulations to these couples around York, PA:

The office of Clerk of Orphans' Court Bradley C. Jacobs issued the following marriage licenses for 4/29/2011:
Roberto Soto-Rivera and Maria Roque-Rivera, both of York.
Jesus Cortes-Diaz and Yvette Santo, both of York.
David Walker, Nanticoke, Md., and Gwyn Wallen, York.

Many couples were wed in Tulsa, OK (click on the April calendar). Pennsylvania TV station WNEP sponsored an "'Un-Royal' Backyard Wedding" promotion for lucky couple Kelly and Kyle.  The Knot website, or rather, their Newport-specific microsite, had the same idea in mind.

Best wishes to everyone else married today!

TRADITION: What is a wedding?

A wedding is anything you want it to be!

According to the characters from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation's Kurosawa-esque-ish episode, Rashomama -

GREG: (referring to the reason for eating at a diner)
...It's a tradition.

SARAH: Ah, tradition, like becoming property exchange between your father and your husband.

NICK: That's not what a wedding is.  It's a public declaration of love.

GREG: i'm with Vince Vaughn on this one.  Dozens of single horny women, with access to an open bar and coupling on the mind...

WAITRESS: Weddings are a Rorschach.  Everybody sees what they want to see.  My first five were good!

However you see your wedding, have your ceremony, your way.  For more information, please contact A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY - A modern, inclusive officiant for the ceremony tradition.

i am a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®, secular minister and civil officiator in Los Angeles and Orange County.  Creating and performing unique, custom-written, bespoke, one of a kind ceremonies and rituals for weddings, engagement, betrothal, commitment, vow renewal, animal or pet, rite of passage, funeral, memorial, celebration of life, baby naming or baby welcoming, new child or adoption, divorce, new job, business, downsizing, new home or any public, private or civic occasion to mark and honour a transition, anniversary, graduation, retirement, ending, change or other milestone.  ALSO: reverend, jp or justice of the peace.

INTERESTING: Post Secret - Doubts About Marrying Outside of Asian Culture



easier.jpg from Postsecret.com
week of 13 Feb. 2011



What is PostSecret?  It is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.  

The postcard to the right says:

"I'm scared that if I marry a white man, he won't understand the traditions, customs and way of life of my culture.  Marrying an Asian man would be so much easier."


Each Sunday, a new batch of SUNDAY SECRETS are posted on the website.  This week's postcards, posted in honour of Valentine's Day (which was the following Monday), were centered around the basic theme of love and everything that goes with it.

If you need an inclusive, non-judgmental, experienced, trained and qualified officiator, officiant, minister, reverend, Celebrant etc. for your wedding or other ceremony, please contact A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY.   Serving Los Angeles, Orange County and most of Southern California including San Gabriel Valley, Hacienda Heights, Roland Heights, Montebello, Rosemead, San Marino, Fullerton, Brea, Westminster, Garden Grove, Fountain Valley, Palm Springs, Palm Desert, Rancho Mirage, Rancho Palos Verdes, Monterey Park, City of Industry, Walnut, Azusa and beyond.

INTERESTING: Post Secret Takes on Marriage, Everyday Ritual and Coping

More from POST SECRET's weekly confessions.

Some people get married for different reasons than others...

To you, is marriage serious?  Sacred?  Impossible?  Overrated?  Safe?  Better than anything you could imagine?  How do YOU view marriage? 






For some, deleting old contacts or even deleting season passes for shows on one's TiVO / dvr is a transitional ritual...

Do YOU do anything to indicate or signify a change in your life, whether it is when a person is no longer with you, or you move to a new home, or you begin a new job, or ???





Some people deal with crisis and/or loss in whatever way they can.  They may alter themselves simply to make a hospital visit, or to enter a social situation.  What are the advantages, and the dangers, of coping?  How can we find more effective, or at least healthier, ways to deal with difficulty, negativity, or discomfourt?

EXPLAINER: What is the Meaning of the Word 'Nuptial'?

What is a nuptial?  Or, what are nuptials?

NUPTIAL is a word used to describe or refer to things of, or relating and/or pertaining to, marriage or the marriage ceremony, as in 'nuptial vows' or 'nuptial celebration'.  The word originated in the 15th century and is derived from the word nuptialis (singular form; nuptiae is plural) which is Latin for 'wedding' and nubere which means 'to marry'.  "Nuptial" can also mean something characteristic of mating or relating to the mating season of animals, such as 'nuptial displays of plumage' when peacocks show of their feather arrays.

How do you say it?  "Nuptial" is pronounced with only two syllables: [NUHP-shull], with an ending that sounds like the words "partial" or maybe "official".  You may also have heard it pronounced similar to "actual" or "mutual": [NUHP-choo-uhl] or [NUHP-shoo-uhl] but these are not considered standard pronunciations.

Sources: Merriam-Webster online dictionary and reference.com's online definition.

Other interesting nuptial stuff:
The 17th century classical music composer GEORG MUFFAT wrote the lovely Splendid Nuptiae as the fourth Fasciculi movement from his work, Florilegium Secundum.  Check out the website Societas Via Romana for insight on marriage in ancient Rome.  And this Gregorian Chant passage is performed by the Gregorian Choir of Paris:

NEWS: LGBT Couples Must Wait a Few More Months to Marry in CA

The Ninth Circuit STAYS Judge Walker’s ruling; Appeal Scheduled Dec. 6th
#1: Same-sex couples will have to wait until at least December, to be married in California.  The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals granted the stay.
#2: The Court desires a quick resolution and they understand the importance of the case.  Therefore, Prop. 8 supporters’ opening brief is due in just a month and the hearing will happen on December 6th.
#3: The Court specifically orders Prop 8 proponents to show why this case should not be dismissed for lack of standing.



The decision, issued by a three-judge panel of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, overrides Judge Vaughn Walker's order to allow county clerks to begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples on Wednesday.

Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, who handles emergency motions in the West for the high court, may be consulted if Prop. 8 supporters successfully appeal.

Per Prop. 8 Trial Tracker

More info at REUTERS.

NEWS: Obama & Biden's Call for Congress to Repeal Defense of Marriage Act

"They are openly terrific!"

Watch Obama's remarks for LGBT Pride: "Because I believe that gay and lesbian couples deserve the same rights and responsiblities afforded to any married couple, I have called for Congress to repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act."

NEWS: H.R. Giger wedding cake!?? SO cool. Geek weddings rule!

i love it when art and love come together...especially when it is art from the premier Swiss artist H.R. Giger, known for his vision of the Alien movies.  this lovely cake example is from JET CITY CAKES, and i found the link courtesy of MAKEZINE.

Need a geek wedding officiant?  Appointments are still available for your Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, Eastern New Year, 8/9/10, August 9, 2010 ceremony!

NEWS: Civil Marriage Religious Freedom Act... and Prop. 8

i recently received this email (excerpted) from EQUALITY CALIFORNIA:

As we’ve seen in the federal challenge to Prop. 8, our opponents have deliberately misled Californians on the distinction between civil and religious marriage, claiming that that clergy who refuse to perform marriages for same-sex couples would be punished and places of worship would lose their tax-exempt status. Thousands of EQCA volunteers who go door to door talking to people about marriage have reported that many Californians do not know that there is a difference between civil and religious marriage.

To alleviate confusion and to ensure our Constitution’s promise of religious freedom, Senator Mark Leno (D – San Francisco) introduced a bill today, sponsored by Equality California and co-sponsored by the California Council of Churches IMPACT, that protects clergy from being forced to perform any civil marriage that is contrary to the tenets of his or her faith and protects faith institutions’ tax-exempt status.

Regardless of party or ideology, every California legislator should support religious freedom. Email your representative and ask them to become a co-author of the Civil Marriage Religious Freedom Act.

When this bill is enacted, it will provide incontrovertible evidence that civil marriage for same-sex couples will not impact clergy or the freedom of religion.Email your representatives right now and ask them to become a co-author. If you’re registered with EQCA’s Action Center, you can reply to this email and a message will be sent automatically, or can log on to add a personal message.

Take action now and ask your representative to support religious freedom in marriage!

As you know, i am a strong advocate of equal rights for everyone, as i am sure you are.  Please take the time to show your support!  Thank you.

NEWS: The New Economics of Marriage

The 'sugar mama' is a more common occurrence these days, according to a report on NPR.

In a new study released by the PEW RESEARCH CENTER*, men seem to be the ones reaping the rewards of being married in the 21st century.

Compared to the 1970's, when women would often marry women to 'get ahead in the world', today many more women are now working, and in a greater variety of jobs, and sometimes even are employed while men are not. In fact, women are more likely to have a higher income than their male counterparts these days, and they are more likely to be higher educated.




i first learned about this study this morning on the radio.

"Americans are considerably better educated than they were four decades ago, which has enabled many adults to upgrade the educational credentials of their spouses" and consequently improve their financial situation. The study also shows how fewer people in general, aged 30 to 44 years old, are married these days. From 1970 to 2007, of those married, the median adjusted household incomes (defined as the sum of financial contributions of all members of the household" rose more than those of the unmarried.

For a look at the complete report, please see the Pew Research Centre's website for a pdf of the entire study.

*PLEASE NOTE: i am acutely aware of the discriminatory nature of the data, as it refers to strictly 'man as husband and woman as wife'-type heterosexual marriages. This in NO way reflects my beliefs as to what marriage is or should be.

NEWS: Los Angeles Marriage License Fees to Increase Starting January 2010

Los Angeles County will soon begin charging more to issue marriage licenses beginning in the new year, as heard on local news outlets and in the L.A. Times. A memo recommending the marriage license fee increase to the L.A. County Board of Supervisors states the new fee would go into effect on January 21, 2010 or "thirty days from the date of Board passage" (which in this case was December 22, 2009).

This would make the cost of a public marriage license to go up from $70 to $90, and the cost of a confidential marriage license to go up from $70 to $85. To see the difference between public and confidential marriage licenses, please see this earlier post.

The fee increase is expected to bring another half-million dollars in revenue to L.A. County. A quick google search did not produce any planned increase in Orange County, nor did the O.C. Clerk-Recorder's website state anything, but considering how large the deficit is across the state of California, similar fee increases cannot be far behind...?!

EXPLAINER: Public vs. Confidential Marriage Licenses

What is the difference between a PUBLIC marriage license, and a CONFIDENTIAL marriage license?

As you may already know, to be married in the state of California, regardless of where you choose to be married, you must obtain a marriage license. To obtain a marriage license, you must: 1) be over the age of 18; 2) appear together in person at the Clerk/Recorder office; and 3) present valid identification. In addition, if you have had a marriage dissolved in the past 90 days, you must show proof of dissolution. If your previous spouse passed away, you must show a death certificate or the equivalent.

There are two marriage license options: public and confidential. In a nutshell, the difference between these two types of licenses is explained below:

PUBLIC Marriage License

*PUBLIC (as defined on dictionary.com): Open to all persons; generally known; open to the view of all. Of, pertaining to, or affecting a population or a community as a whole; existing or conducted in public.
*License is public record, and anyone requesting a copy or information on the record will be given it.
*Cost: $61.50 in Orange County $90.00 in Los Angeles County
*Needs signature of at least one witness over 18 years old.
*Obtain in any county in California and have wedding ceremony in any county in California.
*License is valid for 90 days.

CONFIDENTIAL Marriage License

*CONFIDENTIAL (as defined on dictionary.com): Bearing the classification confidential (usually being above restricted and below secret) and limited to persons authorized to use information, documents, etc., so classified. Spoken, written, acted on, etc., in strict privacy or secrecy; secret. Having another's trust or confidence.
*License is a confidential record, and the only people able to obtain information of this record are the couple, except under certain circumstances.
*Cost: $66.50 in Orange County,  $85.00 in Los Angeles County
*No witness necessary.
*Wedding ceremony must be held in county where license was obtained.
*License is valid for 90 days.
*Couple must be living together for 6 months prior to marriage.

Please contact A NON-DENOMINATIONAL CEREMONY for further information about marriage licenses. See our interactive map of offices to obtain a marriage license in Los Angeles, Orange County and greater Southern California!

NEWS: Maine Becomes 5th State to Allow Same-Sex Marriage

As we in California await the decision of the state's Supreme Court, Maine's state legislature approved a bill, which the governor promptly signed. Maine's Governor John Baldacci (D) simply stated:

"I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal
protection under the law and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage."

We couldn't agree more!

BTW as the California Supreme Court considers legal arguments for overturning Prop 8, LGBT community centers, in partnership with Equality California and allied organizations throughout the state, are joining together to host a series of Town Hall meetings. The meetings will include updates from Prop 8 legal experts and open discussion on the future of the movement.
THIS Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 7 p.m., a Town Hall meeting will take place in Orange County at Santa Ana College Student Lounge, 1530 W 17th Street, Santa Ana.

INFORMATION: The Business of Marriage

The Business of Marriage: Long Term Planning to Talk About:
This article has some helpful, practical considerations to have after the wedding is over, and even before the wedding begins. PLEASE NOTE, however, the legal aspects only apply to KS state weddings/marriages...

Via Lawrence Journal World & News from Lawrence, Kansas.

INTERESTING: Post Secret

i am always on the lookout for interesting things online, to share with you professionally and personally. POST SECRET has been a favourite website for some time.


In case you have never seen Post Secret, it is "an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard". The creator of Post Secret receives so many contributions that he is unable to keep each week's selections online permanently.

i came across these two Post(ed) wedding Secrets recently. they aren't the cheeriest posts, but then again, the cards often are not.

NEWS: Attorney General Jerry Brown - on why "Proposition 8 Should Be Struck Down"

An excerpt from Jerry Brown's 3 March 09 piece via the Huffington Post:

"The (argument against Proposition 8) case touches the heart of our democracy and poses a profound question: can a bare majority of voters strip away an inalienable right through the initiative process? If so, what possible meaning does the word inalienable have?"